Captain America Ring Pop
I did not eat the Captain America Ring Pop. It was a treat in my four-year-old daughter’s take home “goodie bag” from a kids’ birthday party. The Captain America Ring Pop was a source of much conversation all day since it was being saved for after dinner, on the grounds that my daughter was a good girl all day. At first, I was secretly hoping she’d be bad so I could have the ring pop myself – but I calculated that rooting against your kid for a sugary superhero shaped treat was not cool.
While I didn’t taste the Captain America Ring Pop, I will review its appearance and functionality. Before being eaten, it looked like Captain America if he were a zombie who got melted in a furnace – or maybe after a night out with Dave Attell and a bottle of Jägermeister. After being eaten, it looked like that piece of amber that trapped the mosquito in Jurassic Park.
The concept of repeatedly licking Captain America’s mis-shapen head and slowly erasing his costume and physical characteristics has to be symbolic of something. I’m not too political so I don’t know what. The horrors of capitalism? The ravages of war? The fact that I got wedgied every day in high school because I liked comics? And now suddenly comics characters are the “coolest” thing? That’s bullshit I tellya. Bullshit. Anyway… oh, how did it taste? My daughter said it was really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, yummy.