Seinfood. Taste Tested & Reviewed
We love food. Everyone loves food. We love Seinfeld. Everyone loves Seinfeld. We wrote this article. Not everyone wrote this article.
- Marble Rye (Episode 711: Jerry and George sneak a loaf of marble rye bread in and out of a dinner party through a window with a fishing pole) – Marble rye gets on this list probably because the episode is so great – not because it tastes good. Rye is pretty gross. Only people over sixty years old can seemingly tolerate the taste of rye bread. Compared to dark rye, marble rye is arguably better since half of it isn’t the dark rye. Still. Yuck. Make mine Wonder Bread.
- Soup Nazi (Episode 706: The gang is denied the most delicious soup on account of their failure to follow restaurant protocol.) Everyone probably knows the legend behind this episode. Seinfeld’s “Soup Nazi” was based on a guy who ran the real-life NYC soup stand that was a favorite of the Seinfeld writers. After hearing about the “homage,” he was initially pissed (naturally. Who wants to be compared to a Nazi?). But he later came to capitalize on the quasi-fame by opening a franchise called, “The Original Soup Man.” We headed to “Soup Man” located in NYC and got some soup. Full review to of the “Soup Man’s” soup come…
- Junior Mints (Episode 421: Kramer and Jerry are want to bring a snack to a live medical operation and drop a Junior Mint into the open body cavity – resulting in miracle cure.) As with marble rye above, Junior Mints seem like a food for an older generation. Back in the depression, mint was probably an exciting flavor. Now, mint is toothpaste. You see Junior Mints at the cinema candy counter ; probably for the senior citizen matinee specials. Because really – have you ever seen a kid buy Junior Mints? Kramer is in love with Junior Mints. Why? Probably on account of randomness and irreverence for comedic effect (unless there was some secret integrated product placement?). But also…for all of Kramer’s energy we kind of think of him as an old soul (look at his retro dress and his love for the Mike Douglas Show…), so of course he loves Junior Mints!
- Black and white cookies (Episode 513: Jerry waxes poetic about racial harmony, using the New York’s eponymous cookie as an allegory). The black and white cookie is a New York classic that lives up to the legend. The vanilla (white) side is coated in a hardened type of frosting that gives a nice crunch and snap when you bite in. The chocolate (black) side usually offers a more gooey type of frosting. While black and white cookies are round and handheld, they aren’t really cookies in our book. Bite into one, and you will find a thick, soft vanilla cake inside. (see also, the black and White Cookie’s delicious cousin from Baltimore, the Berger cookie – with a thicker coating of chocolate icing – no vanilla.)
- Drakes Coffeecake (Episode 312: Jerry uses a Drake’s Coffeecake to torture Newman to hilarious effect). You’re only going to find Drakes in the northeast, offering an array of pre-packaged baked goods. If you live in the Midwest, you’ll find Little Debbie instead. Drake’s coffeecake is tasty and fits the bill for a prepackaged coffeecake. It’s probably only sort of funny in Seinfeld because they follow the classic “repeat the word/phrase until its funny” tactic, which brings us to the next entry…
- Pretzels – (Episode: 311 Kramer kept practicing this line for a film, repeating it in various ways to humorous effect. Those pretzels were making him thirsty) Kramer made it line famous. But it was Jason Alexander who got the endorsement deal with Rold Gold Pretzels. Rold Gold sort of scored a long tenured, unofficial Seinfeld promotion and endorsement. Through the magic of syndication, we still relate that episode and its repeated mention of pretzel with Jason Alexander and Rold Gold. Love ya Rod Gold, but we can’t understand why anyone would pay a premium for the name-brand pretzels on the shelf. Doritos and Lays potato chips, sure – the name brand brings a special taste and crunch. But for pretzels, the store brands are just as good – which is to say none are as good as Doritos.
- Pez (Episode 314: Jerry imagines his Tweety Bird Pez dispenser with little arms and hands to applaud a live theater show). We love Pez – we even visited the Pez-mecca. Pez candy is simple and undeniably tasty; which is impressive since Pez has the dispenser gimmick. They could arguably get away with a less flavorful, cheaper candy (like smarties). But instead they produce an array of flavorful dense little bricks that are just irreverent and childish enough to support a “B” plot in an episode of Seinfeld.
- Fusilli (Episode 619: Jerry’s manager makes a pasta art picture of him, naming it “Fusilli Jerry.”) Noodle art is pretty stupid. Of course, if your own kid brings some, you pretend to be excited. But even the best noodle art must become trash. You aren’t gonna eat it. And keeping it is gonna attract bugs. As a pasta shape, fusilli is pretty great. It’s a corkscrew shape. Very fork-able. Lots of surface area, nooks and crannies to hold cheese or sauce. In Illinois, you may hear it referred to as “scroodle-noodle.”
- Muffin tops (Episode 821: Elaine pitches the concept that the top of the muffin is the best part, and the stump is basically inedible) – Elaine’s idea is a silly one, albeit kinda true we think. But amazingly, to date nobody has capitalized on it. Nemos, we believe, tried with its’ “Breakfast Dome.” But as described here, they didn’t reach a full manifestation of the idea.
- Jujuy fruits (Episode 522: Elaine found time to stop and buy a box of Jujuy fruits while “rushing” to the hospital to see her boyfriend, who had been in an accident.) Another food that I would think is a favorite amongst old people. Jujuy fruits seem like the chewy candy option from an era before technology existed to make chewy candy softer than tree bark. Jujuy fruits are redeemable in that they last a long time. Like a Now and Later, if you can avoid chewing, it can be a sort of creamy textured type of hard candy. But if you are a biter (as am I) then your molars will hate you.