soda, coke, pepsi, free refils, carbinated, restaurant, waiter, straw

Soda Scamming Spouse

One of the nicest steak places north of NYC provides free refills on soda. Here’s how I know…

While out for a steak dinner (no kids), my lovely wife decided to have a quick sip of my soda . I always frown upon this since it’s basically stealing from any place with free refills. If I ran a restaurant, and I saw patrons sharing a free refill beverage, I would cry foul. One sip, two gulps – it doesn’t matter. Its a slippery slope and it’s stealing in my book.

My wife runs on the wrong side of the law on this issue.  She never, ever orders a soda, but always, always pilfers a sip or two. I glare at her nervously and judgmentally every time, fearing we will be caught. Well this night we were.

Our waiter, who observed my soda stealing spouse, enforced justice honorably but professionally. He politely offered, “Ma’am, I’d be happy to bring you a soda of your own…” My outlaw wife, now caught red-handed, politely declined, acting as if no crime had occurred. The dutiful waiter insisted it was no problem to bring a soda over – basically communicating, “You’ve already bought it lady…”

Unsure of whether or not free refills were available at this restaurant and somewhat afraid of going to jail, I immediately sided with the waiter. I ratted on my wife and said, “Well, if there are free refills here, she just stole, right?” The waiter kindly clarified that they did have free refills, thus cementing our alliance against my thieving “better” half.

Doubling down on her lawlessness, my wife continued to refuse the now contentious offer until the waiter awkwardly left, frustrated that apparently “the customer is always right,” even when they scam beverages.

The victim in this crime? Me. You see, that was my first glass of soda. Now having involuntarily shared it, getting a refill didn’t feel right. So I didn’t ask. Of course, to nobody’s surprise the waiter didn’t offer. It’s a reasonable policy: Free refills. Except for freeloaders who try hustle three dollars worth of Pepsi.