Cracklin’ Oat Sham
If you have never tried Cracklin’ Oat Bran, stop reading this article. Go directly to the store and buy a box of Cracklin’ Oat Bran. Enjoy your new favorite cereal.
If you have tried Cracklin’ Oat Bran, liked it (of course you did) and never checked the nutrition label, do yourself a favor and stop reading now. Enjoy Cracklin’ Oat Bran blissfully. Latch onto the words, “oat” and “bran,” and think not of this article ever again. If the box’s nutrition label is ever positioned toward your face, avert your eyes.
If you have read the nutrition label for Cracklin’ Oat Bran, then read on. We need your help most of all.
Cracklin’ Oat Bran, the deceiver of souls. When I was a kid, my mom bought a box, undoubtedly because she had a coupon. Of course, seeing the brand name, I suspected another scheme by my mother to wean me off of sugary children’s cereals. But I ate it. And to my absolute delight, it tasted like cookies – really yummy cookies!
Finally, a healthy cereal that tasted as good as (or better than) Cookie Crisp. Oh happy day! I shared my “oat bran” enthusiasm with my mom. I was an Oat Bran Man – so long it was the Cracklin’ variety. Cracklin’ Oat Bran made it on the regular grocery list – with or without a coupon! Mom liked it too! Mother and son, bonding over breakfast cereal. It was magical.
Then one day, my dear mother foolishly flew too close to the sun. She forgot that ignorance was bliss. She looked at the label…
200 calories in a ¾ cup serving? 7 grams of fat? As a point of reference, the same amount of Cookie Crisp has 100 calories and 1 gram of fat. When have I ever eaten just ¾ of a cup of anything? Well crap!
Here’s a description of Cracklin’ Oat Bran from Kellogg’s website: How does a cereal get to taste so good? By combining golden oats sweetened with brown sugar, flakes of coconut, a dusting of ground cinnamon, a splash of vanilla flavoring, and sprinkled with nutmeg.
How does a cereal get to taste so good? With 200 calories and 7 grams of fat all crammed into a ¾ cup – that’s how!
But I’m not mad a Kellogg’s. Not at all. They created this dream cereal. How could I be mad at them? I’m not mad at those fine people at Oreo. So as with most things, I blame the government. Those Washington DC bigwigs and their FDA are just forcing me to know what’s in that delicious cereal. The “Food and Drug Administration?” More like the “Flavor Discrimination Administration.”
I think we can all agree, Cracklin’ Oat Bran should get a pass. I’m endorsing any candidate who will push legislation allowing Kellogg’s to lie to the public about Cracklin’ Oat Bran. It’s Oat. It’s Bran. Based on that alone, can’t we all just agree that it should be like 100 calories and 2 grams of fat per 1 cup serving? If we all believe it, then it’s pretty much true right. Please sign the petition below. I figure ten names is probably enough?
I believe that Cracklin’ Oat Bran, without any alteration from its current recipe, should be labeled and legally considered to contain one-hundred (100) calories and two (2) grams of fat per one (1) cup serving.